Friday, October 13, 2006

I Prefer Platonic Than Eros

Sampai hari ini, aku masih bingung kenapa manusia begitu mengagungkan pernikahan. Sementara dari pengalaman pribadi dan orang sekitar, sudah membuktikan bahwa pernikahan bukan hal yang teramat sangat agung…

Masih ingat betul, itu malam minggu. Aku nongkrong bersama beberapa teman cowok. Remember, I noticed that I was a tomboy girl? Sebagai para jomblo, kami melakukan apa saja mengusir malam minggu tanpa pacar. Main billiard, nonton konser musik, sampai sekadar main gaplek di kos-kosan. Malam itu kami sudah mati gaya tak tahu mau apalagi. Bana, seorang teman dari ISTN memamerkan foto cewek cantik dari dompetnya.
“Namanya Cika, lagi kuliah di Belanda. Gue cinta banget sama dia,” cowok gondrong itu mendadak sentimental.
“Oh, dia cewek lu?”
Bana menggeleng.
“Kalau dia cewek gue, gue pasti akan married sama dia. Gue malah ngga mau married sama dia.”
Aku yang masih semester pertama dan lugu soal cinta hanya menggarung kepala, bingung mendengar jawaban Bana yang sudah mau skripsi. “Aneh lu, masak ngga mau nikah sama cewek secantik itu?”
“Kalau gue married sama dia, berarti gue mesti “anuan” ama dia? Wah, ngga tega deh. Gue terlalu cinta sama dia sampe gue ngga tega begitu.”

Saat itu aku belum “ngeh” banget sama jawaban Bana yang lima tahun lebih tua dariku itu. Sampai kemudian beberapa tahun kemudian aku membaca “Catatan Seorang Demonstran” yang waktu itu masih dalam kemasan lama, belum bersampul foto Nicolas Saputra seperti sekarang. Dikisahkan Gie tidak terlalu bersemangat mengejar perempuan yang dicintainya, Maria. Ia tidak mau Maria jadi objek dalam pernikahan kelak. “Pernikahan adalah pelacuran yang dilegalkan.”. Gie tak bisa menerima terlibatnya nafsu seks dalam sebuah ikatan cinta yang suci. Baginya, jika kita mencintai seseorang maka sebaiknya kita menghormati orang itu. Menghormati berarti tidak berbuat kurang ajar, termasuk tidak menidurinya.

Ketika membaca buku itu aku masih semester dua. Masih belum sadar juga apa yang dimaksud Gie.

Hari ini, aku sudah bertemu begitu banyak jenis manusia dengan segudang pengalaman hidupnya. Ada yang menikah dan bahagia. Menikah dan tidak bahagia. Tidak menikah dan bahagia. Tidak menikah dan tidak bahagia. Pernah menikah dan bahagia. Pernah menikah dan tidak bahagia. Dan sebagainya. Begitu rupa-rupa. Dan yang memprihatinkan, banyak pernikahan yang tetap dipertahankan sekuat tenaga dengan alas an menjaga nama baik keluarga. Padahal banyak kasus pasangan itu sudah tidak lagi bahagia satu sama lain. Begitu majemuk.

Lalu aku kembali dihadapkan pada fakta, mecintai seseorang memang sebaiknya tetap menghormatinya. Tidak melibatkan nafsu jasmani. Jika nafsu sudah terlibat, maka cinta dapat pergi kapan saja.

Saat seorang sahabat lelaki berkata, “Gue kangen elu”, berarti dia memang kangen dengan kehadiran sahabatnya. Kangen canda tawa dan keluh kesah. Tapi ketika seorang pacar berkata, “Gue kangen elu”, dapat berarti dia kangen untuk sekadar ciuman, belaian, atau bahkan lebih.

Itu yang bikin saya lebih percaya dengan cinta platonis daripada cinta eros.

15 comments:

alay said...

nice one.. gw setuju!

'nadia' is nadia said...

i believe platonic and eros love can exist in one relationship.
i also believe that sex is NOT dirty if it involves appropriate(the right kind of) love.

it's sad when people think sex is dirty because some bad people had cheapen sex. bad people who :
- approve, involve, or participate in prostitution
- mix sex with pornography (or masturbation with pornography)
- have sex for the sake of releasing lust/anger
- have sex to look cool in front of their friends (guys, please stop this sick games)
- etc. etc.



this world would be a better place if only MEN would stay VIRGIN until he finds his true soul mate, AND stay LOYAL and FAITHFUL all his life.

Nacho Libre said...

>i also believe that sex is NOT dirty if it involves appropriate(the right kind of) love.

sex is only dirty (and criminal) when involves coercion factors such as rape or forced marriage.

>it's sad when people think sex is dirty because some bad people had cheapen sex.

it's idiotic why some people can think of a concept that "sex can be cheapened".

>bad people who :
- approve, involve, or participate in prostitution

voluntary or forced prostitution, if if not forced prostitution, why is it bad? for those girls, they can have incomes perhaps 15-20 times bigger and in a much less time compared if they chose to pluck chickens as a living.

disclaimer : no offense against chicken plucker or crocodile wrestler or whatever professions, as long as you earn the money fair & square then they are rightfully yours.

>- mix sex with pornography (or masturbation with pornography)

why is masturbation a bad thing? what and who defines pornography? by any chance, have you sworn allegiance to any of those holier- than-thou religious zealots who are hell-bent to get RUAPP ratified?

>- have sex for the sake of releasing lust/anger

i don't know about you, but a normal man can not have an erection if he doesn't feel any lust. moreover, there has not been any scientifically-proven test that sex without the male having an erection is remotely possible.

what about having sex for pleasure or having sex for a living, as in a prostitute's or a wife's case (if you agree that marriage is a legalized prostitution)?

>- have sex to look cool in front of their friends (guys, please stop this sick games)

not sure what do you mean by "to look cool in front of their friends"

but if I could score with Lindsay Lohan, I would certainly brag about it to my friends, you think this as sick? if so, why?

>- etc. etc.

if you are fond of making other people's business as yours then you would certainly find many disappointments since other people certainly do not even realize, let alone agree that the purpose of their existences are to satisfy your personal ideals of how those other people should live their lives.

>this world would be a better place if only MEN would stay VIRGIN until he finds his true soul mate, AND stay LOYAL and FAITHFUL all his life.

that is a "would-be-better-world" from YOUR point of view.

MINE is :
this world would be a much better place if only all women look like Lindsay Lohan/Anne Hathaway, Camilla Belle/Monica Belucci/Paris Hilton/Dian Sastro/Tanaka Rena/Penelope Cruz/other gorgeous females, and stay slender, sexy, loving and loyal all her life.

lucee said...

Buat Gw,

Pernikahan adalah komitmen!

love n lust cuma sebutan jenis lain dr perwujudan hasrat n keinginan2 dan emosi aja..
bisa di di kembangkan dari benih di pupuk sampe tumbuh sempurna..

gw ga percaya sama cinta pada pandangan pertama... sama cinta buta atau hal2 berbau romance picisan gitu..

kita harus kontrol diri kita, emosi kita, termasuk love n kust.

cinta harus jatuh pada orang dengan pertimbangan yang masak, n nafsu harus di kendalikan dan di luapkan pada objek, tempat, dan kondisi yang tepat!
begitu hidup harus di managed...

dan pernikahan adalah sebuah komitmen kehidupan..
bukan suatu parameter kehidupan..

cheers,

johnny goodbye said...

emangnya kenapa ??? mencintai dan menghormati seseorang, dan bersenggama dengan orang tersebut untuk berbagi kesenangan dan lainnya...

n walau sudah tidak mampu/nafsu bersenggama dengan org tersebut (karena usia, menaopause, dll) namun rasa cinta dan hormat pada seseorang itu tetap ada...emangnya kenapa?

'nadia' is nadia said...

why is masturbation a bad thing?

if your father could score with you, your sister, and your uncle, then brags to all of his friends, that wouldn't be sick?


if you can't keep your nose out of people's business and can't stand when women are stubborn with their strong opinions i suggest you go to the kitchen and make me some pie.

'nadia' is nadia said...

::Sampai hari ini, aku masih bingung kenapa manusia begitu mengagungkan pernikahan. Sementara dari pengalaman pribadi dan orang sekitar, sudah membuktikan bahwa pernikahan bukan hal yang teramat sangat agung…::

ah mer, coba saja kamu bisa tanyakan ini ke anak umur 20 yang nikah dengan menteri yang cukup tua utk jadi bapaknya hahahhaha

Nacho Libre said...

>if your father could score with you, your sister, and your uncle, then brags to all of his friends, that wouldn't be sick?

sex with your relatives is incest, I do find it to be disgusting, do you not?

you originally stated that sex is dirty because "some bad people" cheapened sex, "bad people" who :

"have sex to look cool in front of their friends (guys, please stop this sick games)"

if only you had been crystal-clearly specific with you wanted to say, which is : "incest is a sick thing to do" then I would have agreed with you whole-heartedly.

about the bragging thing, as always had been (and perhaps always will), you got it all fucked-up in your brain :

To brag about something means to talkabout achievement(s), things to be proud of.
I don't know about you or your family but my family do think that incest is disgustingly sick, let alone to brag about it.

I have answered your question, it would only be fair if you now please answer mine :

IF I could banged Lindsay Lohan in her front & rear until she moans and screams with unadulterated pleasure, would you find it sick if I bragged it to the whole world? If you do, WHY?

>if you can't keep your nose out of people's business and can't stand when women are stubborn with their strong opinions i suggest you go to the kitchen and make me some pie.

all humans have self-biased, we are only humans after all. but I must say that your case is extremely appaling :

you accussed me that I can't keep my nose out of people's business. on what basis you think I am what you accussed me to be?

On the contrary, YOU are the one who can't keep your snout out of people's business, it is all too obvious in your idiotic statements and selfish reasonings.

about the part "........can't stand when women are stubborn with their strong opinions i suggest you go to the kitchen and make me some pie."

I would say that you ARE stubborn, but instead of "strong" (for whatever that means), your opinions are exceedingly self-biased, self-righteous, selfish, hypocritical and inconsistence.

speaking of me going to kitchen and make you a pie, I'd say : you should eat less and exercise more in order to look slender and curvaceous, it's for your own good. I don't know when but someday you'll thank me for giving you this advice.

'nadia' is nadia said...

gotcha! hahahha

wolverine said...

So far the most naive posting in this blog.

Vendy said...

salah satu postingan yang terbaik yang pernah saya temui hingga saat ini :)

boleh saya pampang di blog saya juga tak ?

*minta ijin dulu*

Luluk Widyawan's Page said...

Kata-kata yg original, i like this: Jika nafsu sudah terlibat, maka cinta dapat pergi kapan saja.

Lalu mengapa: lebih percaya dengan cinta platonis daripada cinta eros ? Karena kecewa, gagal, rendah atau justru lebih membahagiakan ?

Apa arti cinta tanpa memberi ? why not real ?

love you

reZa nDoet said...

Halo... iseng2 search google nemu postingan ini...

“Kalau gue married sama dia, berarti gue mesti “anuan” ama dia? Wah, ngga tega deh. Gue terlalu cinta sama dia sampe gue ngga tega begitu.”

Damn... sama kayak apa yg terlintas dipikiran saya...

saya juga mao donk nampilin ini di blog saya.. hihihih boleh yaaak ? :D

Kica-Kica said...

Mbak Mer, jadi ingat bahwa saya pernah membaca sebuah buku yang judulnya sangat corny (Recipes for A Perfect Marriage) dari Kate Kerrigan tapi isinya sangat bagus dan menyentuh (untuk saya)...di dalamnya ada kata-kata begini:

Cinta bisa hidup di dalam pikiran dan di dalam hati, dan bisa menjadi apapun yang kita inginkan, tapi cinta yang hidup di dunia nyata, cinta yang harus berkorban, berkompromi, berbagi, bertahan_cinta yang kasat mata, keras, lembut_ itulah yang nyata. Cinta yang bisa disentuh, bisa menghibur, memeluk, dan melindungi, cinta yang tercium akrab dan terasa akrab, meski tidak selalu manis. Cinta yang seperti halnya kulit, dan napas, kelak menjadi tidak tergantikan seperti air.

mainlymilitary said...

I fully agree with anything you've printed here.